Chicken shop sign that is clearly lies

Editor's Note: This establishment is no longer called this. The Trades Description Act may or may not have been involved.

The greatest eating emporium in West London

Northfields, West London, is probably best known to most as a sort of Purgatory between Central London and Heathrow Airport. It's much more than that though: just outside the tube station is a rather superb row of fast food establishments. Right, you have a Chicken Spot, next to a Pizza Spot, and in between the two there's a sign sticking out for the dearly departed Kebab Spot.
Man, just check out the clientele. You've got a kid that looks like Lethal Bizzle, with a girl that looks like Vicky Pollard. They've even got a staffy!

Even better than that, the staffy waits patiently while they go and get some chicken. You know they're going to give him a cheeky wing.

Three other amazing things about this Chicken Spot that the photos do not show:

1: It used to have a Bat-Signal style spotlight that pointlessly projected on the ground in front of the bus stop at night.

2: A friend was on an empty night bus going past when the driver stopped to jump out and get some chicken there.

3: After watching this year's League Cup Final at a nearby pub, I ordered chips in a pitta. They microwaved a stale pitta bread and gave it to me in a separate bag to the chips. Christ knows why.

Takeaways with names that could pass for Israeli nightclubs #1: Fishcotheque

Brilliantly, someone has found a ladder tall enough to reach the top of the sign, just to try and spell the word "Succubus" (Maybe one of those OUTTLAWS, eh?). Anyone who lives in Southwark, please confirm for us just how jumping this joint is. We're thinking bouncy.

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Tragically, scaffolding obscures our vision on Google Street View day. Why the Google drivers didn't park up and go in with the camera for a fish cake is anyone's guess. FOR SHAME.

Picture shamelessly stolen from noodlepie's Flickr stream. And what?


WestSide Sandwich shop has privacy invaded on Google Street View, asks for the word Sandwich to be blurred out

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We've been to this sandwich shop. The chap behind the counter genuinely calls everyone Dave, and they do a good minted lamb, but they obviously don't want anyone to know about it - why else would they request that the word Sandwich be blurred out?

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And yes I'm aware it's still visible above the canopy. Our conclusion: that particular font of Sandwich works at Subway, but it moonlights for WestSide on the early morning shift.


Fast food chains of the world #1: Little Sheep Hot Pot

It's nice to know that Mongolia has its own fast food chain.
What's wrong with dipping sauce though? I don't know about you, but I'm of the mind that the dipping sauce is the highlight of any Mongolian hotpot. I have had many. Let's look at the history of this leading hotpot brand.

"In 2005 Little Sheep Hot pot firstly was opened in Los Angels, USA. By right of special soup base and a new hot pot concept of without dipping the sauce, Little Sheep Hot Pot quickly was accepted by our customers."

You can see why with a vision like this: "Lamb dedicates all the perfect material to the human, such as hair, skin, blood, meat and bone. Little Lamb is growing and developing in the course of dedication basing in the Lamb Culture. Little Lamb dedicates the benefit to the customer and dedicates the value to the society."

If you don't know what that means, the "Secret of Our Pot" webpage will explain a lot:

"Inner Mongolia Little Sheep Condiment Inc.(hereinafter refer to the “Little Sheep Condiment”) set up in January, 2007 in Baotou City, Inner Mongolia. It is the sole base producing the condiment of Inner Mongolia Little Sheep Catering Chain Co,. Ltd."

Little Sheep Hot Pot has big plans for its condiment line: "In future, Little Sheep Condiment will be at the top of condiment industry and open to the world." Slow down Little Sheep!

What are the branches like? Here's the San Mateo, California branch.

"Our guests can appreciate the BBQ skill through the glass as well as taste the delicous BBQ." THEY CAN EAT THE FOOD.

It's the Houston branch that's got us salivating though. "You will have a different experience during the meal." No idea what this involves.

Here's the website for it. Sadly Little Sheep Hot Pot doesn't have any mascots for children. Genghis Khan is much less intimidating than Ronald McDonald, or the cripple from Burger King Kids' Club.


Chicken shop symbolises change in British society

This was CFC, a rather unremarkable chicken shop on the outskirts of London (though according to the sign, it also offered "Freshley Cut Sandwiches" (Sic) which sounds far too healthy for me). However, it has since shut down, and become a shop selling Polish goods. This says more about British lower class life than Mike Leigh or Ken Loach ever have.

Fried chicken shop named after 51st state of America: Texa

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What, you didn't know? It was set up by angry Confederates.

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Look, see, this is how rebellious they are. They're not just outlaws, they're OUTTLAWS. Just behind that low fence is a Thunderdome and everything.

James writes: "I can't shed any light on Kilburn Fried Chicken..the only KFC I know of is the one that wounded me for four days straight. Here's a good one for you - they couldn't afford all the letters in "Texas fried chicken"... either that, or someone's copyrighted "Texas", which I doubt."

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Thanks James. The letter S is in the bin man's trolley.


Nando's and Frangos next to each other, SPACE TIME CONTINUUM IMPLODES

This is Nando's. It's where people in Hounslow go on Valentine's Day or when they've been promoted. Little known fact: Hounslow is near to the A3006.

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We like Nando's muchly, so you can imagine our horror when we found something called Frangos just metres down the road.

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It's basically Nando's, but the Lemon & Herb sauce tastes of betrayal.

We emailed the press officer at Nando's to check that Frangos wasn't created by a Higgs Boson from the Large Hadron Collider and a sign of imminent universe collapse, but she didn't reply. She must be busy, enjoying her job more than the Pot Noodle Man, who has to make forced jokes to endure the pain of life.

Have you been to Frangos? Does the chicken smell of plagiarism? Let us know, there's a prize for the most vivid description. Maybe.


A Request

Does anyone have a photo of the "KFC" in Kilburn that actually stands for "Kilburn Fried Chicken"? I've heard the legends but I need to know if it actually exists...


Pictures of saveloy in the public domain

The fascinating thing about Flickr is that you can give photos a Creative Commons license. Not only does that mean lazy blogs like us can use them, but it also means the photographers deigned them vital for public discourse. So, who thinks saveloy falls into that definition?

celie does. Has bitten off more than celie can chew and left chips, cod and saveloy all uneaten. Shotgun.

Photoportunity does too. Must live some where t'up north where an entire "bucket" of chips costs 80p and people know what's going on in Coronation Street.

We don't know who erase is but he's clearly been on a camping trip with David Cameron. Davey loves a chipolata.

Happy Dave has a friend in the army. He also likes a bit of sausage. Gay innuendo gets drilled into them in Sandhurst you know.

It's possible that this baby is dead but we can't be bothered to check with jgrnly, or ask why it comes up when you search for saveloy.

Daily Mail sign used to advertise chicken

Chicken and Racism - Together at last!

Forward thinking builder cleverly builds arrow into flats to highlight location of chicken shop in Hounslow

Because you're not going to get a one bedroom in West London for less than £120 without one.

New American Fried Chicken, Hanwell, West London

Minutes from the New American Fried Chicken design meeting:
CEO1: So, we need a design for the front of the shop. Any ideas?
CEO2: Ok, we're a chicken shop. I'm thinking chickens.
CEO1: I like it!
CEO2: I'm thinking maybe a cartoon chicken......?
CEO1: It's been done before. Too passe.
CEO2: Yeah, you're right.
CEO1: Hmmmm.....
CEO2: Hmmmm......
CEO1: I've got it! Why not have a REALLY BIG picture of a REAL LIFE CHICKEN! With feathers and everything!
CEO2: Yes! We are so good at chicken.

The end result is actually a touch reminiscent of this B-movie classic:

Food we can imagine paedophiles eating #1: Doner Kebab Pot Noodle

It had to happen at some point, didn't it? I just found this as I am sad enough to have a Google News alert set up for the word "kebab".

Says Grahame Walker, Pot Noodle Flavour Development Manager: "Kebab Pot Noodle is truly the clash of the male food titans! When it came to developing a new flavour there was one obvious choice, the nation's favourite late-night takeaway. We know men love a good kebab as well as a Pot Noodle so we thought we'd combine the two to create the ultimate man food snack, bar nann!"

What steps in life do you take to become a flavour development manager for a dried food? Good to see it hasn't eroded his sense of humour with that geographically inaccurate bread pun anyway. Here's the press release in a stunningly bad flash website.


Strangely named chicken shop #1: Eko_unit

This is a real chicken shop in north London. We saw it once in a Camden-inflicted haze and didn't believe it really existed. But Google Street View shows we weren't hallucinating that part of the night at least.

What's got the man's attention here is that there's an actual underscore in the chicken shop's name. That's like how everyone used to put "2000" or @ in everything back in the late nineties. And what's with the name? We can only assume it's trying to associate itself with two things, both of which raise worrying questions about the meat on sale.

A rhino. "Urban" people used to wear this clothing label in about 2003.

Ecco the dolphin. Funny how you never see him around anymore.

Even better kebab shop spotted next to Favourite Chicken And Rib

It gets better: look at that kebab shop next door. It's like Joseph and the Techincolour Doner. What a sign. Those kids are spoiled for choice, or they would be if it were open.

Favourite Chicken and Rib, Brighton

Fantastic, illegible sign. Someone designed it on Photoshop but forgot to constrain the proportions when they blew it up. I'd say hold shift for the next branch, but there's not going to be one, is there?

About Meat In A Roll

Hello. This is a blog about takeaways. If the idea of post after post of chicken shops with terrible names, unattractive aspirational kebab photography and lots of Google Street View links doesn't appeal to you, you should go away at this point by clicking this link.

If you're still here, this is who we are.

Ben - Knows someone whose dad threw a man through the window of a KFC. He's the one with the vague knowledge of HTML.

Wil - Is unable to spell his name properly as he is Welsh. He once vomited up a fish cake from a kebab shop but for libel reasons, we can't say which one. He's the one with the camera.

You can email us over on the right hand side, and if the link is rubbish enough we will credit you.