Takeaways with names that could pass for Israeli nightclubs #3: Maxin Mix

This shop in Acton, West London, sounds like a mid-90s compilation album you'd find in a motorway service station shop's bargain bin. Do you think Alice Deejay eats here?

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Takeaways unofficially endorsed by famous people #4: Kennedy Chicken

I was alerted to the existence of Kennedy Chicken in Barking, East London, by this terrible photo of a box taken on a BlackBerry. Could it be true? A fried chicken shop that uses a person's name instead of an American state?
Some diligent research found Kennedy Fried Chicken on Google Street View.

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It's actually a bit of a disappointment, and the keen eyed amongst you will notice the discrepancy between shop sign and box. It's not the first takeaway we've seen named after a president, but it's the closest we're ever going to get to one called JFC instead of JFK.

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We are however liking the fact that Google has seen fit to blur out one of the set menus.


Mysterious yet tempting Gumtree listing

Inspired by our discovery of a stockist for generic, non-brand fried chicken packaging? Well, if you're looking to set up shop, check out this posting on ebay-for-cheapskate-people listings site Gumtree.

I wonder what went wrong? Did the credit crunch hit his business? Have you ever heard of a chicken shop actually shutting down? I particularly like the idea of having a fried chicken menu board as a conversation piece in my living room.

Or how about this listing? It's less mysterious, less melancholy, has less sense of neo-realist human tragedy, but I do like the sound of the offer: 'NB: Why not buy whole package including CCTV plus more £25,000'.

FCKF: when acronyms go too far

Or should that be WAGTF? This chicken shop spotted in Shoreditch just has too much going on. There are no fewer than 16 food menu items picture up there, and I reckon if I looked hard enough I'd eventually spot the owner's national insurance number, bank account details and pin number on there somewhere too, there's so much clutter.


Baconhenge is the most witching fry up ever

It's not an eatery, no, but it is better than one.
This is what druids from Brizzo eat before a morning of throwing elderberries at the police around Stonehenge's security fence. Don't believe me? This concoction is from a witching handicraft website. No, really. It even has an "antifesto".


Boris Johnson burger actually exists

Look, I didn't mean it the other day when I wondered if there was a Boris Johnson burger to go with the Ken Livingstone takeaway we spotted. Turns out Gourmet Burger Kitchen actually made a Boris Johnson burger during the run up to the London mayoral elections last year. Cue photoshopped pictures of BoJo with some patties:
The ingredients?
"100% beef with salad, relish and an aged Stilton dressing"
The verdict?
"A bit cheesy with hidden depths, quite possibly a bit messy", according to some City workers. So, Boris Johnson is represented in meat form by some old cheese. Sounds about right. Second picture stolen from Mauricio M.'s Flickr page.


Bizarre takeaway stories #1: Palestinian chicken shop

Whilst looking into a running feature on chicken shops endorsed by Islamic extremists, I stumbled across this disturbing vignette on a forum. Pasted in entirety for a bit of Jackanory:

It is chicken's shop of Palestine

The auntie is showing a group of children the shop of the street.

when passing by a hotel. The auntie asks children, what shop is this? The children say " I don't know. " The auntie says " This is the bar. " The children say in unison: " Bar! "

pass a network shop again, the auntie asks children, what shop is this? The children say again that does not know, the auntie says, " This is the bar of a network. " The children say in unison: " Bar of the network! "

pass a beverage shop again, the auntie asks children, what shop is this? Several children say " It is water bar " ,The auntie says cheerfully, " The children are very clever, to extremely! It is water bar."

just pass by a chicken shop at this moment, the auntie just asked children, what shop was this? The children shout loudly in unison: " Yes ---Chicken ---The bar "

passerby is gaping all without exception!

Um. Is this a joke? A terrible example of travel writing? Don't know. Don't want to. Look at this picture instead.


Yet Another Unofficial Endorsement

I'm sure you're aware of the horrible soul-destroying nightclub chain Oceana, but if you're not from the UK, or if you would look out of place as a guest on the Jeremy Kyle show, I'll explain.
Small cities and towns across the UK normally have one club, and one club only, where lower income folk the likes of The Enemy and Hard-Fi sing about can get their crunk on at the weekend. The venue usually offers R'n'B, Party Classics, cheap lager, possibly under-age girls in slutty dress and a 60-75% chance of having your teeth kicked in by the end of the night. In the last few years, these places have been bought up by the same chain and all re-branded as Oceana, sucking out whatever little soul they had like some sort of Commercial Dance loving captalist vampire. They also hilariously claim to offer 'The World In One Night' due to their practice of having lame 'themed' rooms.

However, when such a nightclub in Swansea was bought and converted into an Oceana (I believe it was called Time before, though don't quote me on that), the owners of the kebab shop next door spied an opportunity:
Holy unofficial product tie in, Batman! Nice use of a triangle instead of an 'A' to avoid copyright infringement too.

I've found a place that sells those chicken shop boxes, now I need a reason to buy some

If you've ever been in a high street chicken shop in the UK (and let's face it, if you haven't, why are you here?) you'll have been given a coronary in one of those red and orange boxes with "Freshly cooked, just for you" and various other lies scrawled down the side.
Want to replicate that feeling of 3am on a Friday night in your own home though? Now you can. £31.63 will get you 300 of these from this here wholesaler. Hot, tasty AND tender. Buy some! They'd be ideal as party bags for kids' birthday soirees, mantelpiece ornaments, or just to, you know, put stuff in.


Takeaways unofficially endorsed by famous people #3: Ken Livingstone Coffe Shop

I would dearly love to know how the idea for this stand in Kochi, South India, came about. Was it to celebrate His Holiness arriving with an entourage bigger than TI's last year? Full marks for the typo too.
I told you I would top Osama Bin Laden Kebab. Maybe I should start a new feature about takeaways named after Islamic extremists. Oh, and anyone who spots a Boris Johnson Burger, please tell us.

It turns out the Ken Livingstone Coffee shop is several years old. The Daily Mail coverage is surprisingly balanced, but the comments of course are not.

Says John from Surrey (Home counties, natch): "The owner of the coffee shop may lose a lot of customers - has he thought of that?"

I do love the idea that Daily Mail readers have a sense of humour just like its headlines.


Chick-fil-A website has a dead cow stroking a plate of food

There's so much wrong with this homepage that I don't even know where to begin. Might as well start from the top.
Chick-fil-A is a fried chicken chain in the US. Why then, are the cows an important part of the "franchise"? Surely beef isn't an easy alternative to chicken? Squirrel, yes, cows, not so much. And why does said cow a) Have skeleton legs, and b) appear to be STROKING the food?
Why is there broccoli on the plate with the chicken?
This whole website makes me sick.


KFC grilled chicken is retarded

For all the incorrectly spelled chicken shop signs and unofficial celebrity endorsements we've blogged about, we've not actually covered KFC so far. That's largely because they charge about £72.19 per wing, but also because they do stupid things like KFC Grilled Chicken:
Apparently, KFC is going to start grilling chicken to get health conscious people back in their restaurants. Never mind that chips and coke still won't go down with these "healthy" people, isn't the whole point of KFC the fried skin? I don't think I've ever actually finished the actual meat of a leg there before.

Reports AP: "I think the colonel would be happy," [a customer] said of KFC founder Colonel Harland Sanders.

I think the Colonel would run a train through anyone who messed with his secret recipe. That's how good ol' southern boys do.

Full pointlessness here, along with a picture of a balding man committing heresy.


Takeaways unofficially endorsed by famous people #2: Cyprus Grill

Popular West Coast Hip Hop artists Cypress Hill:
Kebab shop on Fulham Palace Road:

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I wish there were more fast food outlets named after rappers. What could we have? Run-KFC? Chickeninem? Or, following the rule of naming the shop after a US state that isn't Kentucky:

Apparently their prices are low, low, low, low. Sorry.


Takeaways unofficially endorsed by famous people #1: Arabic Barbecue

Off the back of Obama Fried Chicken and Jackie Chan's, I'm starting up a new regular series on this, as there are too many prime examples out there. First up, the Arabic Barbecue in Wuhan, China.
Is that a picture of Osama Bin Laden on the sign?
Better believe it. Says sherif, the TEFL bloke who took this photograph: "I asked the owner why he used his picture and he said because Bin Laden is a famous Arab and because in the picture Bin Laden is gesturing a one and each kebab stick that he sells is one Chinese Yuan."

I would have gone with an Arab who isn't responsible for the deaths of thousands, but now you mention the symmetry with the fingers, it makes headsmacking sense.

Oh, and to anyone who doubts I'm going to top this one, just watch me.


Leeds Chinese takeaways have awesome pop culture references

Maybe it's the lack of iodine in the water, maybe they've only just discovered VHS players, but whatever the cause, Leeds has the best named Chinese takeaways I've ever seen. Case in point number one: Jackie Chan's

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The interwebs says it's a takeaway, at least. It could just be some words on a wall, as the area doesn't look like it's progressed beyond a subsistence economy yet. Either way, a bit of unlicensed famous person endorsement always goes down well with us, especially when it's the star of Police Story.
Now, case in point number two: Jet Lee, which is supposedly open for business on Just-Eat.
Technically, spelt wrong but whatever. Liking this Chinese martial art star trend. Unfortunately, there's no Street View for this one as it appears to have undergone a name change. To what though? Sammo Hung? Michelle Yeoh? Chuck Norris? Nope:

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Double Dragon!
Almost makes up for the crap weather and people trying to talk to you on the train all the time, because they're just so friendly up there.


The Meat In A Roll Map Of Crap

It's the official Meat In A Roll map. We'll be slapping every dodgy sign and "hilarious" photo on here for no real reason from now on. Expect a link on the sidebar when I can be bothered.

Map Channels: free mapping tools


Fast food chains of the world #3: KyoChon Chicken

We don't think that Obama Fried Chicken is actually racist, despite all the hoo haa and mirror checking going on in the US at the moment. However, this advert for South Korea's finest deep fried, KyoChon Chicken, most definitely is.

What's offensive here is that a Korean person would deign to assume he knows how to make fried chicken better than a tribe of Africans. Wouldn't you say?
At this point, I urge you to check out KyoChon Chicken's amazing website, with the sound turned up REALLY LOUD. The homepage is a dazzlingly bad flash animation, full of butterflies carrying Nintendo DSs and lunchboxes presumably filled with pickled vegetables over a park, and there's even a barbershop quartet humming a theme tune in the background.


Fictional Chicken Shops #1: Tenessee Fried Chicken, Hellblazer

We at Meat In A Roll are interested in chicken shops wherever they may be, be it West London, East London, South London, or in this case, a comic book set in South East London.
This is issue 235 of seminal Vertigo comics series Hellblazer, which chronicles the exploits of anti-hero magician John Constantine and was also the inspiration for a crap Keanu Reeves film. In its eighties heyday, the series was lauded for its biting critique of Thatcherite Britain. This issue is one of the first from writer Andy Diggle, who was praised for casting the same venomous eye over contemporary Britain. So how does he depict 21st century UK? By featuring a scene in chicken shop, of course! (click on the image to make it readable)Let's look at how well they do. First up, it's located in Deptford, a suitablly scuzzy part of London. Good choice. It's named 'Tenesee Fried Chicken'. It follows the golden rule of naming the chicken shop after a southern state that isn't Kentucky. More importantly though, they've spelt Tennessee wrong. Nice touch!

It gets better. Look closely at the cups. That's right, they've made sure to include that bastion of the chicken shop experience: badly photoshopped logos. Talk about authenticity.
It's not all perfect though. Look at the clientele. What's up with the red and black hoops? What, does he think he's in Franz Ferdinand or something? Popular indie bands don't frequent chicken shops.
That's not the biggest error, though. Look, they seem to be eating off plates! Plates in a chicken shop! Well, la-di-da! Bit bleedin' posh, ain't it? They've even got some mustard on the side! Talk about grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory. It was all going so well! Oh well. We appreciate the effort.

Pizza Hot closed down, but not for the reason you'd think

Takeaways seems to exist in a murky legal area when it comes to intellectual property. Pret sandwiches that steal the Apple logo, fried chicken shacks named after politicians - don't even get us started on Frangos. Now we've found a place called Pizza Hot. Not Pizza Hut, Pizza Hot.

Runcorn based Pizza Hot has hit the headlines, in the Warrington area anyway, because it's just been shut down by the food standards Gestapo for "inadequate hand washing and toilet facilities, rubbish and waste fat stored in food preparation areas, dirty walls, floors and equipment and poor food handling practices." Not because of the copyright theft going on with the name or anything.

We're not sure where Runcorn is, but it must be somewhere rubbish, because it's not on Google Street View. This is the only image we could find. You can't see much, but they've clearly lifted a font from Microsoft Word.
We think it's Comic Sans. Italic.


What on earth is this giant potato saying?

This talking root vegetable is advertising Lotteria, a Japanese burger chain. I'm not sure what it's blathering on about, but it makes a better mascot than the little Mongolian hotpot sheep. Suggested translations:

"I know what you think I look like. I taste like it too."

"Have you ever seen a potato as spherical as me?"

"You want some cancer with your fries? I'll give it to you. Yeah I said it."

"I'ma cut you up, son."

You'll no doubt be wondering how it's possible to cook a potato as big as a field. Here's an artist's rendition:
GM food actually stands for "Godzilla made".


Takeaways with names that could pass for Israeli nightclubs #2: Space Pizza

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What a name. It sounds like that pizza arcade in Toy Story, but that door isn't very futuristic.

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Deals that are out of this world! Ho ho.


Fast food chains of the world #2: Obama Fried Chicken

Interesting fact: along with access codes for the army's nukes, the President of America is also given the secret recipe to the Colonel's finger lickin' recipe after being sworn in.

With this in mind, the powerful KFC lobby will no doubt be pushing a bill through in Washington after hearing this: two different Obama Fried Chicken shops have popped up in New York since the new president was sworn in.
Bizarrely, they've not gone down well with the locals. Apparently, naming a takeaway after a president is racialist or something.
“Why name it that? Just because Obama is black, they’re going to put his name on a fried chicken place in a black neighborhood?”, said one offended youth.

Apparently so. Unfortunately we can't confirm if the menu in either "restaurant" offers the German made "Obama fingers", but we'll let you know if that changes.
Can we change the frozen food market? Yes we can etc etc. Photos taken by some people with too much time on their hands called Paul Lowry and jpchan.


Bristol - More than just Skins!

What do the cast of Skins do after a heavy night of ketamine and dubstep? They roll down to the fantastically named "Chicken-U-Like" in Bristol, of course. What is not featured in this photo, but makes the place so much more amazing, is that it is next to a place called "Kebab-U-Like". For a previous Kebab/Chicken franchise, see Chicken/Pizza/Kebab Spot in west London.

Lion's Fried Chicken, Brockley, East London

OK, this is by no means the worst chicken shop sign we've seen. But I'm most intrigued by the choice of name. What in the gay blue hell have lions got to do with fried chicken? Considering its East London location, and therefore close proximity to several art colleges, I'd like to think it was named by fashion students going for an America's Next Top Model vibe. "That's right, Tyra, it's EDGY, it's FIERCE!" "Yeah, FIERCE like a LION!"

Kebab in a pizza. Enough said.

This Google Alert for kebabs is really paying dividends. Look at this:
It's not just a happy man in a silly hat with a pizza. It's a happy man in a silly hat with a pizza with doner kebab meat in the stuffed crust.

Says Mo Anwar of Zoha's Chippy in Manchester: "The idea just came in the night and we tried it out. I thought, `Why stop at cheese when you can use meat instead?' We started giving it out to people and they told us they loved it."

Local journalism is brilliant. God bless you Manchester Evening News. The comments are even better though.
Lawyers don't get paid much these days.

Don't you just hate that liberal media bias towards Whalley Range?


Thai Handwell shut down while owner away at Spelling Bee contest

Another due diligence FAIL in the catering business. This here takeaway is actually in Hanwell, west London. No one noticed the spelling difference before they had that 3D sign made to order.

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Unsurprisingly, Thai Handwell is no longer in business. The *highly* literate locals boycotted it, as presumably they did the joint opposite, New York Pizza Pres.

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Never mind why Henry the hoover is painted on the wall, what the hell is a Pres? Can you eat it?

This side of the street is amazing. Not only is there a crap takeaway, there's a kid lurking in an alley, a lopsided sign post and no fewer than FOUR different colours of Henry hoovers in the window.

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All that suction!


Finding love in a chicken shop

I'm sure you're aware of The London Paper's popular 'Lovestruck London' section, with its typical "Thursday, 9.30am, Bakerloo line; you were the Cheryl Cole look-a-like reading War and Peace wearing a university hoodie and a short skirt, I was the overweight 40-something with ketchup stains on my T-shirt staring at your breasts over my X-Men comics. Drink?" emails.

Well, in the spirit of of the site I submitted this:

"You were the well buff girl with 'Delicious' written on her pink tracksuit ordering a family bucket of chicken from the the Texas Fried Chicken on Fulham Palace Road on Saturday night. I was the guy in the New Era cap arguing with the guy on the till. Our eyes met as I left. You is sooooooo fine. Drink, innit? - DJ Wilhelm"

Updates when when/if it is printed/ when I have hot date at the Hammersmith Community centre

Pret sandwich infringes massively on multinational corporation's logo

We wouldn't normally cover Pret A Manger because it's bollocks, but this sandwich box (An All Day Breakfast, for the record) has to be pushed out in to the public domain. Not just so we can get links or anything.
Remind you of anything? Steve Jobs would be rolling in his grave, if he wasn't not dead.
Anyone who finds some food that looks like Microsoft, for to us please send.


Takeaways named after movies #1: The Codfather

Yes, it's for reezy. You can find the Codfather in Cheshire, wherever that is, but if you can't be bothered, here's a VIRTUAL TOUR.
Going in the door now. We're excited.
That's much cleaner than what we're used to. Do you think those are genuine Chupa Chups?
Looks pretty good. Anyone eaten here?
It's almost like you're in the room.
Closed on a Sunday? This must be one of those towns where the parents say "Isn't it a lovely place to raise a child?", but really all the kids do is huff Pritt Stick fumes in plastic bags from Morrisons.

Unbelievably, it's not the only Codfather chippie in the UK. Check out this typeface copyright infringing Codfather in Clapham.

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Props to Joe, who sent us this tip during working hours, skiver.